I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
