You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
