your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
