WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
