We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
