You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
