the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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