Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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