If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
