I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
