Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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