Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
