I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
