you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
