last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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