Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
