you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
