i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
