just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Found the puke drawer
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
