The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
