Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
