My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
