When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
