u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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