She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
