are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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