On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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