the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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