The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
