all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
