yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
