He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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