I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
