hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
