Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
