tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
