And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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