Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
