I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
