I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
