i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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