PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
