I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
