There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
