You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
