the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
