I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
