Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
