totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
