so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
