If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
